I don’t know about you, but I must be a magnet for this.
I’ll get asked out on what I think is a casual friend-type situation, only to later realize along the way that I was somehow coerced into a “date.” Maybe I am just clueless about reading the signs of when someone has more than a platonic interest in me, but I think this also says something about the coward-like ways of some guys.
For instance, when I was had just started graduate school, this guy suggested after class that we grab some coffee or food, while discussing a class assignment. The red flags did not rise for me at all. I figured that for one, it would be a good idea to make some friends, and we did have to work on a project, so why not get started?
Silly me.
We find a Japanese spot to eat at, and while discussing the assignment, he blurts out, “You know that I like you right?”
Sigh…..
So, I found myself giving a very diplomatic response of, “You seem cool too, but I don’t really know you”, shoveling in the rest of my chicken teriyaki and getting out of there quick fast. I felt tricked and bamboozled. And in case you are wondering, I never gave him a chance and I was wise in doing so. He would later on send me pics of his nether regions.
Another incident that occurred was a bit more sneaky and underhanded. There was a colleague of mine who I’d exchanged emails with and even had drinks with once. Purely platonic stuff, so I thought. One day he emails me, suggesting that we get together for drinks and dinner the following Thursday. I was fine with that. I had no plans and felt that it couldn’t hurt to be social.
Well, that weekend I was chatting with a male friend about what he was planning to do for his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day. He started sharing his plans and then I had a “light bulb” moment. Valentine’s Day was THURSDAY. That fool tried to set me up! Because I wasn't expecting to celebrate it, the date never clicked when he suggested it. So I avoided his calls all week, didn’t respond to his emails and made a potentially awkward situation even more awkward. Oh well….
I could go on and list more examples, but I think you get the point. Plus, I don’t see a point in providing you with more reasons to laugh at my expense.
But, seriously am I that oblivious or are men just getting more passive aggressive in picking up women?
Ladies, let me know if this has ever happened to you. And in an attempt to humor the male readers of this blog, guys can feel free to chime in too!
11 comments:
Girls do it too, but it's prolly not premeditaded. I've had girls invite me out, but didn't realize until later that we were on a date, not a platonic hang out.
Well I guess I would have to say that all those men are cowards. I can sort of understand why. Its not easy for some men to say certain things to a woman as beautiful as you. Sometimes they feel intimidated. But if they were real MEN like myself, then it wouldn't be hard at all. I would just walk up to you and say "Jakema, I've been feeling you for a while and I just wanted to know if we could get a bite to eat or a few drinks and get to know eachother a little better." Its just as simple as that... ;)
-Mark Harley
Firstly thx for the laugh. But seriously I would chalk this up as you giving the males you encounter too much credit. Which is a direct result of you have ginuine male friends who have no hidden agendas. With that said I am sure there were subtle hints you overlooked as well. The female philosophy should be that a male 28yrs. of age or older is not looking for a home girl. In reality he is looking for a girl to take home (99 times out of a hundred). Nice plug Mark the game was "Ol Skool" but I applaud the effort.
1. It's funny how I see women (such as yourself) make comments (such as your blog entry) about what they DON'T want/like from men, yet fail to actually tell us what they like/prefer from us males.
2. I can't speak for these male friends of yours but personally I being a man am sometimes CONFUSED about how I feel about certain women. I've often been labeled as being "misleading" or called this, that and the third, when the reality is I was just trying to feel my way through the situation.
3. I don't like labels.
They bring a sense of prejudice to the situation.
Personally, I wouldn't want a woman to treat me or the evening we're having differently just because she all of a sudden felt that we were/weren't on a date.
That's just me though.
4. Somebody get a bottle of water for Mark, he seems kinda thirsty.
Okay Misleading Guy, I'm going to tackle your bullet points one-by-one:
1) By making comments about what I don't like/want from a man, aren't I saying what I do like/want from the opposite sex? Just don't do any of the things that I said I DON'T like and there you have it.
2) So you KNOW that you are misleading. Some habits are worth breaking and if more than one woman has said that, than you need to be a bit more forthcoming with your intentions or lack thereof. It's a new year, maybe you need to make a resolution along those lines. :)
3) I agree. Labels DO suck. But you know what else sucks? Bamboozling and hoodwinking folks.
4) Why are you and "Male Perspective" picking on Mark? ha ha But, I must say Mark, what you posted could be perceived as the very passive aggressive behavior I talked about in this post. And I know that you would never do that. So, I am going to conclude that you were being hypothetical.
Can I say something?? Can I?? HUH?? PLEASE???!!!
1st off, men HAVE to come sideways MOST of the time. When has a woman been receptive to a man coming out and saying EXACTLY what he wants?
I would say VERY rarely.
I've said it before that we learn from our mothers and aunts and sisters at a very early age that the one thing you can't tell a woman is what she doesn't want to hear. 99% of the time that thing she doesn't want to hear is the TRUTH!
2nd, for most guys it's very hard to verbalize feelings without sounding CREEPY - especially if they don't know you very well.
3rd, with women it's all about their MOOD. Women will only go so far with a guy unless they are comfortable with them 1st. The easiest way for someone to get close and make you comfortable is to take you out - with no expectations on your end.
How comfortable will you be with a guy if you think he's tryin to get some drawers? How much will he get to know about you if he thinks that you will start to hide things once you know he's trying to get with you or he's attracted?
Those aren't THE reasons that those guys have created dates out of nothing but it does offer some food for thought. It could actually be that they are cowards but, at the same time with the way that women are evasive, can you blame them???
Most women say they want a straight forward man but when confronted by such the preception is often that he is a player use to getting what he wants or that he is to cocky. Some men don't say what they want b/c they've become resouceful about trying to figure out what women want w/o making them feel akward. Ironically this akwardness is exactly what Mama's Gone Wild and other women are seeking to avoid. Both parties seeking the same goal while trying to figure out the perfect approach. But let's be honest if the guy tells you what he truly desires do you react the same towards him as you did prior to him expressing his feelings, NO. Does the relationship ever revert back to its' origins before that feeling of akwardness, NO. So what is it that woman want? That is the age old question, plaguing man since the beginnigng of time. Is the approach Mama's Gone Wild speaks of Passive Aggressive or Resouceful is what I ask you to ponder? I'll be honest there is no right or wrong answer by either side male or female. Because surely each side can find supportive evidence, and yes some men are just yellow bellied w/ matching stripes down their backsides. The real topic here is are these advances welcomed and the answer is no, but that is due to the nature of advancer. Mama's Gone Wild and women in general would you question this stly of approach if the the advances came from a guy whom you were interested in? Just food for thought, the origins of a love-n-relationships are a two way street. When headed in the same direction all but when there is a difference of opinion it is lost on a lonely highway. "The Moments"
Male Perspective...I know the answer to what women want!
The answer is: WHATEVER THEY DON'T HAVE AT THE TIME!
...think about it...
Thats funny! good job on not knowing. to be honest, I've never been in that position, but at least you are being admired and sought after. some women would switch places with you in a heartbeat. But now you know and knowing is half the battle!
dammit!!!
i just went through the same thing TONIGHT! this girl i was tryna get it tells me "you know i'm talking to someone. . . "
so i'm thinking "why the F**K did you give me your phone number???? and THEN say we could go out when i asked?!" but before i even attempt to say anything, she chimes in:
"i wasn't sure if you wanted to be my friend or if you wanted something more."
i just think that's stupid. if a guy asks you out, and he doesn't say anything like "yea, just as homies", he sees you as a potential.
don't be dumb. (sorry, not directed at the author, but just in general)
These are funny stories, and I doubt you're the only one who has been tricked into a 'sneak date'!
Here's one for your collection:
Me: Can I have one adult ticket for the 8:30 showing of 'whatever movie was playing that year'?
Agent: It's sold out.
Me: Aw, man.
Dude in Line Behind Me: Well, you could see 'Circle of Friends' with me. It's supposed to be pretty good.
Me: Ummm, what's it about.
Dude: Says something unnecessarily artsy,
Me: OK, whatever.
The movie runs. The theater empties and Dude proceeds to discuss the movie and then ask for my phone number.
You get the picture. Dude pretty much snagged a weird, last-minute 'date' for a movie, but not much else.
Cool blog. Keep writing!
Post a Comment