Not too long ago I was having a talk with an older woman--who shall remain nameless--and her criticism of me was that I am "too independent" and that I "don’t know when to ask for help."
Sigh....
Of course these statements annoy me. It's just hard for me to understand why my being able to take care of myself and mine without leaning on others is a problem. Now don’t get me wrong, I will be quick to reach out to those close to me for emotional support and/or if it benefits my overall wellbeing. We all need to vent and decompress at times. But, um, I don’t see anything wrong with taking care of my other issues on my own.
Admittedly, I have a hard time counting on people. I don’t like the vulnerability that can come along with that. I can never picture myself saying, "I couldn’t do ‘xyz’ because ‘abc’ didn’t come through for me." Oh, hell no. That is just not going to happen.
But, is this particular characteristic of mine a turnoff to the opposite sex?
A friend recently alluded to this when she said, "I think men get turned off by you--and not in a bad way. But they may look at you and wonder what they could provide for you."
Sigh... (I don’t agree with this theory by the way, because if it were proven true, it would just be sad, sad, sad!)
And, I haven’t mentioned this yet, but I come from a family of "get it done" women. They don’t believe in failing, irresponsible behavior, excuses, etc. Clearly, my way of thinking was inherited.
But, don’t get me wrong--and I’m probably about to catch much heat for this--I see nothing wrong with obeying a man, as long as he is worth being obeyed. In fact, I am dying to meet a grown man who will give me the liberty to finally relax. I’m tired. I’ve been wearing the skirt AND pants for years. I honestly would not mind a break at all.
Okay, I am going to stop here. I could on and on and on about the reasons why a woman may think this way, and the circumstances that may lead her to be “too independent.”
But, I do want to know, is my independence on trial here? Ha ha…
4 comments:
I don't think any man is turned off by an independent woman. It's actually sexy and desirable to have a woman that doesn't ask for help with every little thing.
What IS a turn-off is when a woman WON'T ask for help. Everyone needs help sometimes and when you are in a relationship you are supposed to depend on your significant other to take up the slack.
On the other hand, there are men that will do only what you make them do. I already know that no woman wants a man they feel they have to beg to get up and do things or have to worry about things they need done to actually get done.
I guess what you need is a man that's naturally a go-getter and self-motivated. A man that's proactive. You want someone that assures you he will take care of business without you even having to mention it.
Unfortunately, you do have to humble yourself just a little because no one is ever going to know what you need/want at a particular time.
I do believe that once you've found a man that reassures you, with his actions, you won't have a problem opening your mouth and asking for the help you NEED because you are already know he won't let you down. And I believe that's your biggest fear - getting let down.
Yes, as men we have to feel needed and if a woman is going to take it upon herself to do everything it leaves no place for the man. Men are supposed to fix/clean the car, fix things around the house, run out to the store in the rain/bad weather. If you are going to take it upon yourself to do even those things, what man would ever feel needed? He would feel like all he's there for is sex, talking, eating, watching tv and playing video games. And once that becomes the norm you would get completely fed up with him.
So do yourself a favor, check out a guy's work ethic and give him a small task. If he can't remember or handle that small thing, you know where it'll be headed from there. If he handles it, you will have to learn how to humble yourself more & more.
A relationship is always give & take.
Your independence is fine, as long as you know that to be with someone you are going to have to let him kinda "take over" at some point.
Good Blog, I dont think there is nothing wrong with being independent. The problem occurs with how you show your independents. If you are a woman that let's every man know you got it and dont need no one for anything that is a turn off. It's like the couple in the Movie why did I get married. She continued to let him know it was her money, her car, etc. Who wants a cloud held over there head about what you have and why you dont need them. Be you, but when a man enter into your life give him a chance and not hold him accountable for other men mistake
i liked this post. i think that wat u heard from this older woman was wisdom.. i've heard older women make that comment before.. peaces
*F*
OMG I could have written your post word for word....well I would have had some typos... but you get my point.
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