Often times when I post a new blog, more folks respond to me offline, than in the actual comments section.
Laughs are exchanged, virtual heads shake, and naturally, advice is dispensed. The most common thing I am asked--aside from when will I be updating the blog--is have I considered other ways of meeting people. So here are my views on the different ways traditional and non-traditional to meet worthy members of the opposite sex.
Blind Dates:
I am not completely against this. But, I am particular. Not picky per se, but I either like you or I don't. No gray areas...usually. And the friends that I do have, I would like to keep. I would hate to curse one of you out because your idea of the ideal mate for me does not match up to mine.
Church:
I will tread lightly with this one. It is assumed that this is one of the safer places to meet a potential mate, but it sure isn't foolproof. Snakes lurk everywhere. Plus, I know more than one guy who has admitted to me that they attend Sunday services for eye candy purposes or went on a date with someone to church to increase their chances of "hitting it." (The term "hitting it" and "church", don't even belong in the same sentence!) Sigh…Plus, there is usually way too much competition among women for the eligible bachelors at church. Count me out.
Internet/Social Networking Sites:
Ironically, I might be open to this option the most. I have made some friends of the opposite sex on Blackplanet, MySpace and Facebook who have proven to have staying power. So, perhaps someone eventually will be a good dating match for me. Perhaps.
Dating Websites:
No, no, no! I'll admit that I have considered this option. But once it gets to the part in the profile setup process where I am asked for my credit card info, I snap back to reality. I just can't see myself paying to meet people. Call me cheap. Call me narrow-minded. I'm passing on this option.
Speed Dating:
See above. I think they charge for this too.
Well, I guess I will be meeting a man the old fashioned way--inebriated at a club during last call. I'm only kidding of course. But, I am open to hearing suggestions from you guys. And, in hearing your stories. Share. Please. Peace!
6 comments:
i know quite a few couples who met on match.com, some still together and some no longer together. i also know quite a few couples who met via social networking sites like facebook and myspace.
i have done it all (except for church because that is not my thing) and the internet is pretty cool. i think that paying to look at some guys is better than going on a first date and dude claiming to forget his wallet. but that doesn't mean you won't mean jackasses, they have infiltrated everything. i met a guy on nerve and we dated off and on for years, we are still friends. met some crazies, too (but then again, i met quite a few crazies offline, too).
Ok, I am totally hijacking your blog...but I say at least put up a profile on one of those sites (which may be free to post) and have the guys pay to contact you.
i think u just need to loosen up.. u never know, dude who let u go thru the turnstile before him couldve been the one.. guys have problems finding datable women too.. u should start by smiling at every guy u may potentially like n change shall soon come.. :)
11/29.. come celebrate..
HERE I GO AGAIN...
It doesn't matter much where you meet a guy but it does matter how you meet a guy.
I know many people that have met each other at social functions (weddings, backyard BBQs, etc..) that have gone onto marry and have a wonderful life. I also know many people that met their true love online. There are also many of whom dated in the church and have great lives together, but I would label them Jesus Freaks anyway...so they would be perfect for each other naturally.
I believe it all boils down to taking advantage of opportunities. Like Jamal said, that guy that just let you go thru the turnstile before him or held a door open for you might be the one for you, but you won't know unless you act on it.
It doesn't take much, really. Remember, YOU are the woman and HE is the man. It's MUCH easier for a woman to initiate convo than it is the other way around. Men are 1000x more approachable than women are. All you need is to make a comment on the weather, give him a slight compliment, or comment on something small for a guy to pick up on. He SHOULD handle the rest or he either isn't interested or is just slow to pick up on obvious passes (like me).
There are exceptions to this rule, just like any other. Meeting a guy on a site called onlinebootycall.com isn't wise unless you are looking for just that. I already know you don't respond to "Baller Calls" in the street so I don't have to warn you about that.
Just keep in mind that meeting a decent guy is always a crap shoot, just as it is for a guy to meet a decent woman. So just keep your mind open at all times. I advise against keeping your eyes open though, because it's usually when you AREN'T looking for someone when someone great comes into your life.
BTW - thank you all for inspiring me to "play the church". I don't attend, but I'll make sure I wait outside for a nice woman to come through the doors. I guess I'll be like the guys at clubs that wait by the womens restroom try to holla at ladies coming out. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!
LOL
Hey I DID meet my Mr. Right around last call enibriated outside of a bar. (you can bare witness to that fact)
It's what fairytales are made of...LOL
I am leery of paying to meet a man too. Call me old fashioned. I suggest that you commit to getting a babysitter at least once a month and schedule some fun grown -up social time. And then you too can meet someone during last call. LOL. Nah, but seriously, being out and about it key. You're bound to bump into a worthy candidate and have some fun along the way! Remember "You gotta kiss a lot of frogs!"
Where to meet a nice guy, bottom line is, who knows. I'm open to just about anything. I've tried an online dating site for a month, yes I paid, but all I got hit on were by weirdo's. I tried reaching out to a couple of guys on the site and it just didn't work out.
As for what Jamal said about smiling, I stay smiling at men or just b/c I'm happy. I'll get feedback like 'hey beautiful, you have a wonderful smile' and thats it. If I get a second glance back from a potential guy who noticed me & my smile, it never leads to anything further. So now I have to go a step further and follow what Dave says and initiate convo, although I agree, its like, when does the guy step up and approach? Do I literally have to throw myself at them to get them to man up and talk to me???
Its all so frustrating and requires too much work, lol. To end this all, I'm gonna rock with Dave's last sensible comment (I'm leaving the chruch pounce alone) I'm going to smile at life and keep it moving and hopefully while I'm not looking Mr. Right and I will bump into each other while rounding the corner on some NYC street :)
Where do I begin?? The ladies who know me are probably going to give me the side-eye because they know that I'm outgoing/flirty as it is, but seriously, men need a SIGN. An indication that you might be interested, might not be already spoken for, and might not bite their head off if they speak to you.
C'mon (especially black women), how many times have we chopped a man into itty bitty pieces with the ILL side-eye in response to their "hello, good morning/afternoon/evening, etc" simply because we weren't in the mood that day? In a way, I don't blame men for being apprehensive to approach us (in a way, I said! lol).
For once, I agree with Dave. We as independent women need to meet men halfway in most instances. We are heading up companies, raising children, and breaking down social/racial barriers, yet we can't compliment a dude on his shoes? Please.
Women tend to think that they are the only ones who need to be reassured. Men have insecurities too! Let's tailor our expectations and go after what we want, as we do in every other aspect of our lives.
On the flipside, if he doesn't respond when you DO take initiative, he's either not into your "type," gay, already taken, or a complete LAME, who just did you a favor by being non-responsive - If they're OVERLY apprehensive, that'll translate into other behaviors in the future. Throw THAT fish back into the sea, lol.
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