Wow, I can’t believe that I actually remembered the password to this thing...
So, I was talking to a single friend of mine recently and she mentioned that she had a list of qualities of what she looks for in the opposite sex. After sharing about four attributes from her list, I told her that realistically, she might have to scale back on her expectations. Then she told me that was her ABRIDGED version. Her total list stands about ninety.
Ninety?! Whoa!
Now, I am not saying that you shouldn’t have standards. Those are very necessary, but at some point, it can get a little out of control. And some things we have to just overlook. For instance, I once dated a guy who had slightly webbed toes. True story. While, I avoided looking at his toes when possible, that wasn’t the reason why I ended things with him. Another guy was COMPLETELY rhythm-less. I like to dance. But, I didn’t throw the towel in because his two-step was a little off. I hung in there as long as possible. (And I avoided going to clubs with him.)
And some things are fixable. Fashion sense, bad haircuts, table manners. We can work on that. Important factors like honesty, morals, work ethic, and compassion are what I look for.
But, when your list of desired qualities is nearing triple digits, it’s time to trim the fat and compromise. One woman I know told me that all she requires from a man initially is “a job and no diseases.” I guess I should disclose that she is older and likely just tired of being single.
We all have deal breakers though. I can’t date a bad speller. I did once and he ruined every love letter he ever wrote me. I know that it’s the thought and emotion behind it that I was supposed to be paying attention to, but when you substitute “our” for “are” something gets lost in translation.
Anyway, enough about me, my friend, and her mega-long list of expectations. What are the most “asinine” items on yours? Do tell….
3 comments:
I will keep this one short and simple. I speak from experience when I say that we REALLY don’t know what we want. Men and women alike, we THINK we know what we want but the truth is, we never know until we give it a try. Although, I have to say that women make the mistake of writing someone off or dismissing someone much more quickly and often than men (given, us men are a lot less discriminating than women to begin with). Women seem to have a list; a man has to be this height, this complexion or lighter/darker, this build, dress this way, has to be respectful, masculine and on top of all that he must be great in bed! The questions that must be asked of oneself is: Do I NEED or just want all those qualities? Which qualities am I flexible on? And most important, do I just want to be happy?
Happiness comes in all forms and a guy can possess all of the perceived qualities that a woman thinks they need in a man and STILL be undesirable for other reasons. A list of criteria is absurd and any that follow a checklist is a dreamer and is totally unrealistic. You will find that most people in life looking for perfection are those that are most imperfect and unwilling to compromise on anything, even to their own detriment.
I will end my comments with a response to the statement about “There are some things that are fixable.” That sounds quite typical of a woman to say. It is also the #1 MISTAKE of women’s approach when dealing with men. It underlines my favorite quote that I coined a couple of years ago: “A woman looking to change a man will either find herself perpetually single or perpetually frustrated”
Short and simple, huh?
I actually agree with some of your points. But, I don't see anything wrong with folks having criteria. It's when the list of criteria gets out of control that I think a person should scale back. I mean, dating and a finding a mate isn't like going to Build-A-Bear.
And I believe that men also maintain a "list." They just know that it wouldn't be cool to write it down.
nobody knows what they want
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